1-2-3-4 Festival, Shoreditch

1234 festivalThis Sunday, a whole hoard of ‘hot bands’ will descend upon Shoreditch Park for the 1-2-3-4 Shoreditch Now Music Festival. This year it has a ‘condensed capacity’ of 6,000 people. Oh my mistake, I said people like the wankbits that are gonna be there had a soul. I meant the park will grow a tumour shaped like a 3,000 legged gibbering millipede of eating disorder riddled American Apparel troops, with stupid hair cuts, ‘ironic’ accessories, a miserable demeanour and money from their middle class parents to buy Magners and Lucky Strikes.


Dickheads aside, it promises to be quite good. 50 bands will play across 10 stages. Luckily it’s not just indie, and as French electro is the tuneage du jour, it’s no surprise that Kitsune Maison’s autoKratz are also set to play the electronic stage followed by Ed Banger’s Krazy Baldhead.


Also set to play are loads more underground and hyped bands that have probably only played a single gig before in some basement in Leyton but have earned a legion of fans already. Such is the fickle world of the ‘I’m cool’ crowd. ‘Yeah but he like totally got that Swastika tattoo as he’s breaking taboos’ – err, no actually he did it as he’s a massive twat and so are you you fucking students. The pair of you should kill yourselves now, take it from me – AN ADULT – there are no jobs out there.


But I digress.


The festival ends at 9pm, so you can either get an early night (lame) or get a better attitude and declare, ‘Really, who fucking cares if it’s Sunday, there are TWELVE after parties to choose from!’ Take your pick from more DJs and dancing happening all over the area including the Electricity Showrooms, Bar Music Hall, Queen of Hoxton, Catch, Old Blue Last etc.


I just hope they turn the volume up to 11 so I don’t have to listen to some droning twat go on about how much they love living in Dalston or how their next performance art piece is them dressed as Daffy Duck hitting a saucepan with a dildo whilst squatting over a drain.


Sunday 26 July 2009
12pm – 9pm 
Shoreditch Park (+ Old Street area for after parties)

Tickets – £15.00

Kara Simsek

9 Responses to “1-2-3-4 Festival, Shoreditch”

  1. allenkeif Says:

    and it rained all day. The trendy kids hair cuts would have been wet floppy messes. Shame

  2. Too bad it wasn’t acid rain.
    It was worse than I ever could have imagined. I would rather be trapped in Hellraiser 3 for the rest of my life than spend an extra hour with that bunch of shallow, meaningless, spineless, uninspired morons.

  3. Shouldn’t that be 12,000 legs? Mulitply, don’t divide.

  4. Haha! Amazing

  5. @me- does not compute! does not compute!

    I’m so shit at maths. You’re probably right. 😦

  6. I really quite like this blog, but that was a terrible, over opinionated, uninformed bore of a post.

  7. Fair enough. I thought it was really funny personally!

    But hey, you know what they say – opinions are like arseholes – everyone has one.

  8. I love how Ciaran’s (perfectly valid and welcomed btw) critique has basically summed me up.
    It’s quite refreshing to encounter such a perspicacious person.

  9. FAnks x

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